Ok, so... Long story short.
Lots of suck, depression, ended friendships, more depression... wash rinse and repeat.
With all of the battles and inner demons I have been fighting, things are finally on the mend and I have some people to thank for this. First, thank you to my wife. thank you for your love, your patience, your support, your wisdom and for blessing me with the opportunity to be your husband. Thank you to my therapist for the ear, the alternative view, your time and your confidence in my ability to overcome. Thank you to all of my family and friends that have stood by me, loved me and supported me.
For someone like me it is not easy to keep friends for a lifetime but amazingly... it does happen. I got some awesome messages over the last few weeks. Messages that put smiles on my face, tears in my eyes and wrinkles in my chin. I would like to take a moment to copy and paste some of them (without their permission) to illustrate how the power of love and compassion can pull someone out of a horrible depression. Sometimes, it only takes a few kind words to completely turn someone around.
From J.D.:
" I was just thinkin about you today Bro. I see you cutting through some rough waters here. I also see one of the strongest people I know standing up and doing what it takes to get through them. You have not been dealt an easy hand. Ever. But you always rise above. You look around and most importantly (and most difficult) you look at yourself. You've never been afraid to point the finger at yourself and say, "this is what needs to change". I've always wished I had more time for my close friends. It seems to be the same with all of us. We do what's required to keep bread on the table and try to spend the remaining hours with our wives and kids. I owe you so many thanks for saying that it's not acceptable and opening your home so that people will gather and spend time together. And I'm glad you seem to smell it on me that I'm still on you like jock itch on a football player. I really, really hope that moving away isn't what it takes for you to have the life you want. But if you do I'll pack boxes with you and love you from afar and talk to you when I can. I have your back. And while you're still within spitting distance don't you ever for one second think that I'm too busy. My family does need me home whenever I can be, but if I look at my wife and tell me my heterosexual life partner needs me she'll ask me what I'm still doing there talking to her. You need me, make my phone ring. Day or night. You get into a black pit again and I will walk out of work and drive straight to your house. I'll get out of my bed and drive to your house. You just need someone to sit in your basement and listen to records, I'll be there. I'm so glad that you're in another phase of making improvements to Brett. But don't go so far that you wreck yourself. You have always been a bombastic, opinionated individual. If sometimes you're a little over the top, then that's just the price of admission and most of us are glad to pay that price. My pride in you has only grown for three decades. You are at the top of the list of people in my life that I value and respect. I quote you to my friends and coworkers all the time. And the parts of you that have rubbed off on me have only made me a better person. Even more than my parents and grandparent you were the one that taught me how to give and to look out for people. You were the one that told me it's OK to throw your hands back and say, "Fuck it!" sometimes. You taught me how to fight stress with comedy and how to knock a bully down with a laugh. Whatever anyone tells you or makes you think about yourself you are an individual of the highest worth. I love you man."
From T.W.:
"I just had to tell you, I think you're such a great guy and I'm so glad you have such a beautiful life. I know it's hard, I guess Life can be hard regardless of who you are or how hard you try, but we definitely keep you in our prayers and really enjoy seeing the good things you've got going on on FB. Just so you know, you have fans in Virginia!"
From P.W.:
Hey there... I know we don't ea other that well, except for that our kids go to school together... Lol But, I just wanted to tell u how much I can relate to ur last post !! I've been going thru some wicked anxiety/depression which was probly more postpartum depression that really messed me up !!! But, I'm working on myself still... So I guess what I just wanna say is I know how tuff things can get & I just wanna say hang in there & try to keep the negative vibes away from urself !!!
From J.B.
"Brett. I have been paying attention to your posts and the blogs you have been putting up. I'm sorry that so many bad things have been happening to you. I was pretty pissed at you awhile back for the things you said about how we spoiled *****. I thought you were a dick and that you should mind your own business. At her birthday party this year we invited like 15 kids and only 3 of them showed up. She threw a temper tantrum and blamed us. My mother said pretty much the same thing you did. We spoiled her more and more every year and now this is how she acts when she doesn't get her way. It really started to sink in when she would freak out over dinner or losing a game. Then at Christmas we dialed it way back and she lost her mind. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that you weren't being dick. Well you were but you were honest. I guess the stuff you said was stuff we already knew but just didn't want to admit. I'm also sorry if us being mad at you or the way we handled it played a part in what you are going through. No one should be hated for being honest. Keep your chin up. I know that we aren't very close these days but we keep you and your family in our prayers."
From T.B.:
"Your an amazing father husband and friend!! Im proud to know you and wouldnt want you to change a thing. Always here if you need me for anything"
These are just a few of many I have received recently. I really can't thank you enough for taking some time out of your day to let me know that I am not alone. Letting me know that people do care, even if they aren't that close. Each positive message I received helped lift me from a horrible place. When someone is depressed, you really feel like the world is against you. One person being mad at you feels like a million. You really start to question your worth. And sometimes it only takes a few words to make someone feel like they are worth a lot. A few words to remind someone that they are important. So again. Thank you.
Cheers, to a new day!
