It has been 28 days since everything took a giant dump. 28 days since I was taken by ambulance to the hospital with a herniated disc, four bulging disks, pinched sciatic and genital root nerves. 28 days since I've worked, played normally with my kids or stood to hug my wife for more than 5 seconds.
In the last 28 days, my Grandmother, the woman that takes up an unreal amount of space in my heart, was admitted to the ICU with pneumonia, active tuberculosis and 4 broken ribs. She was given 6 to 48 hours to live. In the last 28 days, she was transferred to another hospital, told she does not have TB and that she would be home in a week or two. But now, TB has now been confirmed and we still have no idea when or if she will ever get better.
My wife, that has been taking care of me, our children and her patients, basically single handed for the last 28 days, developed shingles on her face and near her eye. Could it have come from the stress of dressing and caring for her broken husband? Or continuing to work while getting Drake to and from school and tending to Clyde, the needy Mamma's boy? Could have been from the stress of running this household all by herself for the last 28 days? Yeah... Probably all of that.
In the last 28 days, Clyde was diagnosed with croup. High fevers. Coughing and gagging until vomit flowed from his tiny little mouth. Multiple nebulizer treatments a day just to give his little lungs a tiny break from the painful, never ending coughing that doesn't seem to break up... Ever.
In the last 28 days Drake has been sick more than he has been well. More snot, fevers, coughs, sneezes and headaches in 28 days than he has ever had in his short little life.
In the last 28 days we have received phone calls informing us of loved ones being diagnosed with cancer. We have received saddening calls regarding the poor health of even more loved ones. I have received messages that old friends with substance abuse issues have left this earth. We have received messages that the marriages of loved ones were in jeopardy and some have even ended. I have gotten calls from loved ones looking to me to comfort their depression and suicidal thoughts, while I have been trying to handle my own.
In the last 28 days I have struggled with feeling completely useless. I am constantly worried if we can get out of the hole we are digging. I have struggled with the fact that an emogi on a facebook page somehow counts as caring rather than actual human contact or a phone call. I have struggled with feeling alone even when I know we are not.
In the last 28 days our furnace literally burned out on a -10 degree day. We were charged $250 more than we were quoted. Our snow blower broke in the midst of a heavy snow accumulation. I have no income and Sarah has had to miss a ridiculous amount of time to care for all of us. Our credit cards have all reached their maximum limit and in 28 days we have added to a debt that we have been working hard on ridding ourselves of.
In the last 28 days we have cried, worried, panicked, cried some more, screamed, worried some more, been frustrated, cried, and then panicked a little more.
In the last 28 days my neighbor has kept my driveway clear because I couldn't.
My bestest friends have come by, just to keep me company for a few minutes.
They have rallied people to fix my snow blower and plow my driveway.
They have picked my son up from school when I couldn't.
Those same friends have called and texted just to see if we needed anything.
A friend that hardly knows me sent us an amazing monetary Christmas gift that eased some of our financial burden.
My sister, brother in law and parents went above and beyond to make sure my kids had an awesome Christmas.
In between coughs and breathing treatments, Clyde still has the ability to make us laugh. When he's not sneezing, coughing or blowing his nose, Drake still makes time to take care of us and is right there with hugs and kind words. Even though my body is broken and her face feels like it is on fire, Sarah and I are still in love as much as we were the first day we knew. Even when the world seems to be crashing all around us, we succeed in keeping each other comforted. We still make each other laugh when the world seems determined to keep us in tears. On days when it is hard to feel any sense of hope, right when we need it the most, the people around us prove that there is still good, caring people in the world. People that I am so unbelievably thankful for.
So even in a torrential downpour of shittiness, we can still find reasons to smile.
