The people of this country are more divided than I can remember in my lifetime and I find myself getting very passionate about a whole lot of things. Especially if I have been drinking. I used to think that social media was pretty amazing. Over the last few years I have found that it rips apart my brain way more than it makes me awe in amazement.
In my opinion the days of civil debate are gone. The art of learning from the perspective of others is gone. It has now just become a verbal boxing ring where people of different sides shove their opinions down the throats of others convinced that they are facts instead of opinions.
Here is my apology. I do this and I truly am sorry. My opinions are not facts. They are my opinions. Your opinions are not facts either and I fail at respecting them. I get into social media arguments and suddenly become so hell bent on converting people to my side that every now and then I take the argument to an angry and dangerous place. This is not who I want to be. I have always tried my best to listen to the opinions of others, sit back and try to understand why they feel the way they feel and attempt to form my opinions based on all the information that I have gathered. Lately, I have not done this and I am very sorry.
I have no idea why I have become Captain Defensive when it comes to certain subjects. I have no idea why I have decided that my way of thinking should be everyone's way of thinking. I was called a judgmental hypocrite the other day. After I sobered up and read through the comment thread I realized that this person was right. So to you, if you ever come across this... know that I am sorry. In a drunken and overly passionate rant, I took things to a level I am not proud of.
I become very emotional when it comes to topics of race, rights and especially anything children related. I have family and very dear friends of many races, religions and sexuality and I am very passionate about their rights and equality. We live in a world consumed with so much hatred for one another that it makes me horribly scared for my children. Which is why I am so passionate about how our children are being raised. It makes me ill to think that my kids would ever hate someone simply because of their skin color or where they come from or what faith they follow. I spent my whole childhood being treated like absolute shit by some of my peers that it makes my stomach turn to think that my kids may be treated like that or treat others like that. So, I often have lots to say about these subjects. Once again, these are my feelings, not facts. So if I have ever crammed them down your throat while being a judgmental hypocrite, I really am sorry.
This has been going on for a couple of years and I'm not sure what triggered it... But I know I don't like who I am when I get so hyped up. The Kapernick argument is finally what made me see what I was doing.
The weird thing is... If I were at a Sabre's game or wherever... And I saw someone (a player or otherwise) not standing for the National Anthem, I would think, "What a douchebag". Then I would think, "Well, it's his right". Then I would roll my eyes and go about my day. Because in the end it has absolutely no effect on my life. His disrespect of the flag would not affect my love for it. So, I'm not sure why I got so heated up about this situation. Maybe it's because it turned into a race issue or maybe it's because of the double standards regarding constitutional rights. Whatever the reason, My opinions and feelings are just that, they are not facts and I have no right to treat them like they are. So for that, I am sorry.
I have been called a lot of things in the last few years. Not many of them very pretty. Hypocrite, judgmental, opinionated, N***er lover, unpatriotic, pussy liberal and a few more. I've been told to leave the country I was born in and love because I believe that systemic racism is a real thing. I have been told to get on the opposite side of Trump's wall because because I believe that closing borders would be more harmful than helpful. I have been told to buy a one way ticket Syria so I can see what real oppression is.
Here is the thing... I crave a world with more compassion. I crave a country that judges character and not color. I hope for a community where I don't have to worry about my kid's and your kid's safety and well being every time they leave my sight. A neighborhood that watches out for each other despite differences of opinion. I have hopes for a country where constitutional rights are guaranteed to all and not some, a government that is not riddled with corruption and nation that can have real discussions for positive change without being torn with hateful division. Those things I am not sorry for.
I am sorry that I have taken my views and shoved them in the faces and down the throats of people (friends and strangers) on social media. My business would fall to crap without the ol' FB so even though I know I should delete it, I can't. I will however limit my use of it to promote my business and post adorable pictures of my kids.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Friday, April 1, 2016
The man that comes with a warning.
***WARNING***
*Brett Orr is an oversensitive, over dramatic man that struggles with getting over emotional pain.* That being said, today I am writing to get things out of my head because they need to be somewhere else rather than trapped in my brain, driving me insane.
When I finally think that the last hurt-able feeling has become numb and that I no longer care about other's opinions of me or their feelings toward me, I find that there is still one that hangs out only to cause another cycle of overthinking, self doubt and stupid, whiny depression.
I discovered recently that when someone new is about to meet me, they get a warning. They are warned about the loud, abrasive asshole they are about to meet. Before I even get the chance to make a first impression for myself, they have a preconceived idea of who I am before I even arrive. To that person, that is all I am. Their mind has already been made for them. This guy is a piece of shit... So I will just stay away from him while he is here.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, really. I notice stand-offish behaviors from people that don't know me personally quite often. Usually in the school when I pick Drago up. Small towns sure can be fun sometimes. No doubt the hairy eyeballs from the school Mommies and teachers stem from the time that I pissed off an entire family by calling their kid a douchebag while I was buzzed and horribly depressed. Meengya, it's been over a year and I still can't even get a haircut without hearing all about what an asshole I am because of that one fuck up. Please, feel free to form your opinion of me based on the rantings of someone I pissed off. It is really hard to move beyond past fuck ups when you never stop hearing about it. Especially in a day and age where forgetting and forgiving seem to no longer exist.
Here is the thing. It's who I am. It is how I am wired. I say what I feel, when I feel it. I am an entertainer by nature. So what ever it is that I say, it is usually said loudly and melodramatically.
But why is this ALL that I am? Why is this the warning people get? Why is it always someone's flaws that define them? Why isn't it, "This is Brett, he throws Easter egg hunts for the entire town?" Or, he throws carnivals and drive ins in his back yard for the neighborhood kids? Or, this guy opens his house to anyone and everyone just so they can keep in touch and enjoy each other's company? It is never, this guy babysits multiple people's children free of charge for years to save people from daycare costs. It's never, this guy donates his time, money and DJ equipment to every single fundraiser or benefit that he is asked to help with. People don't warn others that I drop whatever I am doing to help my loved one's in need. No one ever introduces me as the guy that dedicates every single second of my free time to helping and caring for other people...Is it ever, Hi, this is Brett, he helped me move, paint my house, Dj'd my kid's party, my wedding, dry walled my house, donated to my kid's countless fundraisers, snow blew my drive way all winter, mowed my lawn, took care of my dogs, installed my audio system, drove my ass around while I had no license, volunteers at his son's school, is a loving husband, devoted father?... Nope, none of those things are used in the introduction of Brett.
It is always, "He's a loud, opinionated asshole."
I get it. I am flawed. I am loud. I am abrasive. I am opinionated. I am a lot of things. Including loving, loyal, dedicated, giving and honest. It just really makes me sad that the people that know me best only use the ugly adjectives to describe me to the people that don't know me at all.
Even after all of the therapy, journal writings, adult coloring books and feel good exercises... There are days when I still just feel so defeated... Even my loving wife and closest friends are tired of my pity parties. It's totally understandable. No one is sick of my whining more than me. Everyday I can't help but think it is time to just stop with the Sunday Fundays, giant Birthday celebrations, backyard activities and such. I seem to rely on them too much for my own happiness. I constantly think that maybe I really just need to put all of my energy into these four walls. I know plenty of people that keep to themselves, keep their doors shut and appear to be completely content. They don't worry about keeping connections or forcing friendships to last forever. Their happiness is not measured by their approval rating. I want that for myself.
But I have to be honest with myself...I will probably continue to put food in the mouths of people that talk shit. I will probably continue to help others that have never done a single thing for me. Chances are that I will continue to plow driveways, mow lawns, help move, paint walls, drywall rooms, babysit, dogsit, volunteer, donate my time, energy and money to others that need it more than me. I will probably still help to pick up the people that continuously knock me down. My home will probably remain open as a loving place to enjoy one another.
I will also will probably continue to be loud, abrasive and overly honest. I will probably always be over sensitive, way too dramatic and a depressed pain in my loved one's asses. So sadly, this viscous cycle will probably continue. I will keep doing great things but only be known for my mistakes.
But hey, maybe one day someone will say, "You're about to meet Brett. He is kind of a dick but he is a really awesome dick."
*Brett Orr is an oversensitive, over dramatic man that struggles with getting over emotional pain.* That being said, today I am writing to get things out of my head because they need to be somewhere else rather than trapped in my brain, driving me insane.
When I finally think that the last hurt-able feeling has become numb and that I no longer care about other's opinions of me or their feelings toward me, I find that there is still one that hangs out only to cause another cycle of overthinking, self doubt and stupid, whiny depression.
I discovered recently that when someone new is about to meet me, they get a warning. They are warned about the loud, abrasive asshole they are about to meet. Before I even get the chance to make a first impression for myself, they have a preconceived idea of who I am before I even arrive. To that person, that is all I am. Their mind has already been made for them. This guy is a piece of shit... So I will just stay away from him while he is here.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, really. I notice stand-offish behaviors from people that don't know me personally quite often. Usually in the school when I pick Drago up. Small towns sure can be fun sometimes. No doubt the hairy eyeballs from the school Mommies and teachers stem from the time that I pissed off an entire family by calling their kid a douchebag while I was buzzed and horribly depressed. Meengya, it's been over a year and I still can't even get a haircut without hearing all about what an asshole I am because of that one fuck up. Please, feel free to form your opinion of me based on the rantings of someone I pissed off. It is really hard to move beyond past fuck ups when you never stop hearing about it. Especially in a day and age where forgetting and forgiving seem to no longer exist.
Here is the thing. It's who I am. It is how I am wired. I say what I feel, when I feel it. I am an entertainer by nature. So what ever it is that I say, it is usually said loudly and melodramatically.
But why is this ALL that I am? Why is this the warning people get? Why is it always someone's flaws that define them? Why isn't it, "This is Brett, he throws Easter egg hunts for the entire town?" Or, he throws carnivals and drive ins in his back yard for the neighborhood kids? Or, this guy opens his house to anyone and everyone just so they can keep in touch and enjoy each other's company? It is never, this guy babysits multiple people's children free of charge for years to save people from daycare costs. It's never, this guy donates his time, money and DJ equipment to every single fundraiser or benefit that he is asked to help with. People don't warn others that I drop whatever I am doing to help my loved one's in need. No one ever introduces me as the guy that dedicates every single second of my free time to helping and caring for other people...Is it ever, Hi, this is Brett, he helped me move, paint my house, Dj'd my kid's party, my wedding, dry walled my house, donated to my kid's countless fundraisers, snow blew my drive way all winter, mowed my lawn, took care of my dogs, installed my audio system, drove my ass around while I had no license, volunteers at his son's school, is a loving husband, devoted father?... Nope, none of those things are used in the introduction of Brett.
It is always, "He's a loud, opinionated asshole."
I get it. I am flawed. I am loud. I am abrasive. I am opinionated. I am a lot of things. Including loving, loyal, dedicated, giving and honest. It just really makes me sad that the people that know me best only use the ugly adjectives to describe me to the people that don't know me at all.
Even after all of the therapy, journal writings, adult coloring books and feel good exercises... There are days when I still just feel so defeated... Even my loving wife and closest friends are tired of my pity parties. It's totally understandable. No one is sick of my whining more than me. Everyday I can't help but think it is time to just stop with the Sunday Fundays, giant Birthday celebrations, backyard activities and such. I seem to rely on them too much for my own happiness. I constantly think that maybe I really just need to put all of my energy into these four walls. I know plenty of people that keep to themselves, keep their doors shut and appear to be completely content. They don't worry about keeping connections or forcing friendships to last forever. Their happiness is not measured by their approval rating. I want that for myself.
But I have to be honest with myself...I will probably continue to put food in the mouths of people that talk shit. I will probably continue to help others that have never done a single thing for me. Chances are that I will continue to plow driveways, mow lawns, help move, paint walls, drywall rooms, babysit, dogsit, volunteer, donate my time, energy and money to others that need it more than me. I will probably still help to pick up the people that continuously knock me down. My home will probably remain open as a loving place to enjoy one another.
I will also will probably continue to be loud, abrasive and overly honest. I will probably always be over sensitive, way too dramatic and a depressed pain in my loved one's asses. So sadly, this viscous cycle will probably continue. I will keep doing great things but only be known for my mistakes.
But hey, maybe one day someone will say, "You're about to meet Brett. He is kind of a dick but he is a really awesome dick."
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