What This stay at home Dad desires

Ok, so.

    The other day a friend of mine posted this on her FB page....

"stay at home moms: i would like your feedback on this..what is the one thing that you desire the most from your husband other than the obvious to be loved?"

     It got me to thinking. For the most part, I am a stay at home Dad. So I should get a say in a question like that. Right?

     Well, after reading the comments she received, I realized how different men and women think.

      I can't think of anything I desire from my wife. (Besides the obvious) I can only think of things I want for my wife. I want for my wife to get the rest she desperately needs. I want my wife to come home to a home cooked meal after her 10 to 16 hour work day. I want for my wife to come home to a not trashed house. I want for my wife to come home from work and not have to do more  work.

     I want my wife to know how much I appreciate her for all the sacrifices she makes to keep a roof over our heads and all the food she keeps in our bellies. I want my wife to come home and feel how loved she really is.

     Man or woman, being the stay at home parent is never easy. (Unless you are a useless sack of a parent that pays no attention to your kids or your house). But on the other hand, is it easy working your ass off countless hours a day to keep your family afloat?

      One of the responses on her wall was consideration for how hard she works. I don't actually desire my wife to thank me for the work I do at home.  I think she does that by paying for the home. I think she does that by supplying us with the life we have. We all love to be appreciated but I don't need to hear the words when she shows me with her actions. I can't help but wonder if the stay at home parents that crave appreciation thank their spouses for working so hard to enable them to stay home. 

       Another response was that the woman wanted her husband to realize when she needed help. I agree with that one. However in my house we do this crazy thing called communicate. I don't expect my wife to pick up on my every want, I use my words, as does she. If I am losing it a little from the wee one or other's wee ones, I tell her. I don't expect her to figure it out. If she comes home from her 14 hour day and is too tired to deal with professor whiney pants... She tells me. Anyone that knows Sarah and I personally, knows first hand we love each other WAY TOO MUCH to not be up front with each other. After you say I DO... There should be no more guessing games.

        The best response on her post I think was conversation. I miss my wife so much sometimes while she is away. I want for her to hear all the things she missed that day. Mostly, I want for her to know that I am here for her to come home and unload on.  I think that as couples and to stay strong, conversation should always be a priority. Not a "listen to me because I feel neglected" conversation but an equal, 50/50 conversation about each others days, feelings and concerns. I know that's how we roll in this crib.

         As I read through this I can't help but feel like I am attacking the way some stay at home moms feel. Not what I was going for. I understand all of the responses I read, I just view them differently... Like I said, I realize how differently men and women think.

        I was married once before. I worked 2 to 3 jobs at a time so she didn't have to. She showed her appreciation by leaving me. Obviously we weren't doing things right. Now, Sarah and I do things different. I like to think we do them right.       

        When Sarah was in college, she also worked full time. She would go to school in Utica for 3 days at a time while I stayed home with a teenage daughter and a newborn son. When she came home she did her homework at night and would go to work all day. Not only did I stay home with Drake I watched our nieces and friends kids as well. It was my pleasure to do these things. Now she works anywhere from 10 to 16 hours a day. She works herself to exhaustion everyday so we have a home and food and so our son is not pawned off to babysitters or daycare centers. This is a choice we made together for the good of our family.  Still to this day I am honored be the stay at home parent. I am honored to keep the house in order. I am honored to do anything that helps make my wife's life easier.


 I don't desire anything from my full time working wife. I don't desire more love or more attention. I have no desire for her to come home from a long day and do more work.
         

My wife is not off at a party all day. She is working. She is not off to the spa. She is missing her son grow up. She's not out hanging with her friends all day. She's keeping us healthy. She's not off taking daily personal vacations. She is running her ass off to keep us happy. So no, I don't desire anything extra from my wife. My desire is that when she comes home she will feel at home and loved. 

  
      I know what it feels like to be lonely and overwhelmed. I know what it feels like to just wanna take a break and have some "me" time. I know what it feels like to want to book a vacation because I miss my spouse. HOWEVER... I also know how it feels to work 70+ hours a week. I also know how it feels to work all day and come home to more work. I also know how it feels to feel like you are missing out on life's gifts because all you do is work. 

       I also know that raising a family is not easy. For anyone. I know at times we need a little extra from our partners. I know to get that little extra we need to use our voices because no one has esp. I also know that we need to constantly put ourselves in the other one's shoes to keep our selfishness in check. 

       So keep strong "Stay At Homers". Be strong for yourself and be strong for your hard working spouse. While you are getting tired from raising your children your spouse is missing out on it.